is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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