I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
