How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
