Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
