sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
