i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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