So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
