I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
