the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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