She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
