i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
