I think im going to throw up on grandma
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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