i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
