And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
