Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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