I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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