How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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