the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
