just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
