you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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