Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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