I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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