Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
