Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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