So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
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I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
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Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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