they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
