Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
