planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
