I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
