I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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