Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
