4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
