Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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