I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
