I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
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I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
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That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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