There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
