He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
