I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
