it was like his penis was on wheels.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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