i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
