he looks like a really good dad on facebook
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
