I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
