my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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