I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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