I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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