in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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