Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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