Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i drank out of a bidet.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
