This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
