At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.