420 ftw
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
