so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
