The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize