i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
