It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
