I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
