I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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