A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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