he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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