well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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