shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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