Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
