Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
There are leaves in my underwear?
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