God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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