Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
