There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
