You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
