Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
